U.C.L. Academicals Football Club

(The Accies)

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2008-09 Results - March

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Saturday 28th March

Old Meadonians 4 Accies 1sts 1 (Dave Jenkin).

Shene Old Grammarians 1 Accies 2nds 1 (Andy Crotty).

Albanian 3 Accies 3rds 4 (Andy Mackay 3, Matt Howard).

Old Ignatians 2 Accies 5ths 2 (James Liang, Chris Cernuschi).

Accies 6ths 3 (Toby Kallar 2, Jean-Alex Imerzoukene) Old Manorians 2.

5ths Match Report from Bob Woad

On a chilly Saturday morning the 5ths arrived in Enfield in search of Old Ignatians ‘new’ ground on the aptly named Turkey Street hoping to make turkeys out of their opponents. An early inspection of the pitch quality, size and cross wind conditions allowed Captains Swaby and Carter to construct a foolproof and detailed game plan which would lead to certain victory and they spent quite some time instructing each player of their role.

However this carefully laid plan of mouse and man went out of the window a minute before kick off when the referee discovered a metal object buried in the oppositions penalty area. Spade and fork were brought out but the object, believed by some to be an alien spacecraft and by others to be a motor bike, defied removal and so a change of pitch, and what seemed to be ground, ensued.

The game started late on a larger and bumpier pitch at right angles to the first with a wind whistling more down it than across it but even so the 5ths started well having fortunately forgotten the team talk and with the prospect of firing in shots at a remarkably small keeper in their opponents goal. Dave Swaby’s outrageous politically incorrect referral to the keeper as a ‘midget’ was quickly challenged by the opposition who informed him that his statement was out of order as the keeper was medically three inches taller than a midget. 

Despite the initial promise the 5ths good work of the early stages was undone by two minutes of madness, or more accurately grossly incompetent defending, from two successive corners. From the first a poor punch by keeper Bob Woad fell to an Ignatian midfielder who chipped the ball into the net over three defenders on the line. Moments later a second corner wasn’t cleared by the Accies defence and was swept in by an Ignatian forward.

Stunned by this setback the 5ths could have crumbled as a buoyant Ignatian team started to exploit the wings and looked dangerous whenever they broke forwards. The fifths were in disarray with passes going astray time and time again, their shape falling apart, and marking and challenging sometimes non-existent. 

However as the half wore on the 5ths did regain some composure and started to carve out a few chances. A Chris Cernuschi break down the left resulted in a corner which was sailing directly into the Ignatian net before a defender made a miraculous defensive header off the line. Then another break down the left led to Sameer Patel playing a ball to James Liang who turned and looped a shot over the Ignatian keeper and into the middle of the net. A minute before half time Patel was again on hand to pick up a pass from Stu Richards and set up Cernuschi for his second goal in five outings.

At half time the talk was of moving on to victory but despite Patel shooting home from an offside position and Swaby’s diving header from a corner being dubiously ruled out for an alleged push elsewhere in the area, the fifths could not put the ball in the net. 

This failure to trouble a keeper three inches taller than a midget was certainly a cause for concern and at 2-2 the 5ths were always open to conceding a third as Ignatians again used the wings to effect and displayed a more measured and adept passing game. The fifths on the other hand couldn’t put their game together and for the second week in a row poor passing more often than not gave the ball straight back to the opposition. 

As the game wore on Ignatians looked the more likely to snatch victory but apart from a late 20 yard effort could not find an clear cut opening. Meanwhile the Accies frustration was boiling over and ended in a furious shouting match at the final whistle when the 5ths damaged their reputation as gentlemen rather than players and showed that in this instance they were probably neither.

The Ignatian team could only stare at the ground and smirk during these shenanigans while in the dressing room after the match an enraged Dave Swaby ballsed everyone out for ballsing each other out, to a faint sound of tittering from the adjoining changing room.

Saturday 21st March

Accies 1sts 2 (Adam Stainsby, Dave Jenkin) Parkfield 4.

Centymca 3 Accies 2nds 1 (Gareth Jenkins).

Old Buckwellians 2 Accies 3rds 4 (Andy Mackay 3, Phil Stewart).

Goffs Old Boys 1 Accies 4ths 1 (Rob James).

Accies 5ths 0 Ravenscroft Old Boys 1.

Accies 6ths 2 (Declan Walsh 2) Old Camdenians 4.

4ths Match Report from Si Randall

Accies 4s' four game winning streak was halted by a spirited Goffs team on a pitch made for 10 year olds in Cheshunt. Accies made hard work of things in the heat and playing with a peculiar perpetual motion ball that bounced higher and higher the more a player tried to control it. Things were not helped by top scorer Tom Lovell limping off with a hamstring injury after only 15 minutes.

Unaccustomed to the narrow pitch, Accies looked short of ideas. The home side scored with an accurate lob after 25 minutes, and the visitors struggled to find an answer; in fact Tom Lloyd had to produce an exceptional performance in goal to keep the score down.

Accies had some success by throwing the ball down the line and making ground that way, although this tactic involved the full backs spending most of their afternoon in the swamp to one side and the brook to the other. It reaped dividends late in the second half, as they splashed their way down the right to the Goffs end. Unbelievably Chris Coates crossed and Rob James scored. The AFA tried to calculate the odds of these two events coinciding but their computer exploded.

Disaster nearly struck in the dying moments as Goffs broke, but Lloyd again came to the rescue by denying the Goffs striker in a one-on-one situation. Nevertheless, in the circumstances this result felt like a defeat despite coming from behind. The home fixture with the same side was an easy win on Shenley's expansive lawns, but Accies failed to adapt to the different situation and find an answer.

Saturday 14th March

Old Wilsonians 0 (Rupert Neal) Accies 1sts 1 (Dan Chantler)

Accies 2nds 0 Centymca 0 (Mark Dawson).

Accies 3rds 1 (Andy Mackay) Old Kingsburians 3.

Wood Green Old Boys 1 Accies 4ths 3 (Si Randall 2, Dave Jones).

Old Woodhouseians 1 Accies 5ths 1 (James Liang).

Oakhill Tigers 9 Accies 6ths 2 (Subomi Fapohunda, Jean-Alex Imerzoukene).

4ths Match Report from Si Randall

String-bean like defender Si Randall made headlines at the right end for a change by netting twice to put Accies 4s ahead against Wood Green. Dave Jones then rounded off another man-of-the-match performance by lashing in off the bar in injury time to seal the win.

Accies made hard work of it in the first hour, and found the ploughed field that we played on was not conducive to the passing game. Wood Green's early goal, volleyed in at the far post from a corner, looked like it might be the only success of the game. However, this Accies side has resilience and has not failed to score all season. Matt Redman sent over two fine corners from the left midway through the second half which were both nodded in at the far post by Randall, finding the opposition pygmy-like defenders easing his task.

The result typified the spirit of this side, who at one point looked ready to give in and blame everything on the poor pitch. Once again, the determination of the midfield pairing of Dave Jones and Paul Campbell was decisive in driving the team forward. The win was Accies' 4th on the spin and kept them in the hunt for a promotion spot.

Saturday 7th March

Accies 2nds 3 (Kieron Jennings, Gareth Jones, Lloyd Vanson) Shene Old Grammarians 0 (Dan Saxby).

Leyton County Old Boys 4 Accies 3rds 0.

Latymer Old Boys 0 (Chris Coates) Accies 4ths 5 (Andy Burt 2, Dan Bennett, Paul Campbell, Dave Jones).

Queen Mary College Old Boys 1 Accies 5ths 6 (Connor Maher-McWilliams, Chris Cernuschi, Siadhal Magos, James Liang, Andy Williams, Stu Richards).

Accies 6ths 1 (Gerry Mansey) Mayfield Athletic 2.

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